I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
