and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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