its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
