He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
