I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
