I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize