what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
