I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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