That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
