Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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