I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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