about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize