that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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