I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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