Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
