I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
