Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
