Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
