I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
