you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
