i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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