Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
