There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
He better not be in your backpack
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
