he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wish my penis had a tongue
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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