I never want to see another naked old woman again.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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