I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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