She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
