Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
