I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Randomize
