Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize