She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
