In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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