did you get engaged???
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
