we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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