I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
