he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
