My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
