Small penises have feelings too.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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