If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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