My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
