ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
