OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
