I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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