I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
