sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
