so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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