Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize