He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
