The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
