whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
