what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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