I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
