She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
