I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize