I faked an abortion last night.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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