Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
