dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
