do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
