Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
