i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
