I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
