WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
